March 2006
Taking Time Off To Fulfill Our Dreams, our dream sabbatical
You are invited to view the notes of Anjelika and Sasha Kremer. We are both practitioners of energy medicine with established practices in NYC. Sasha is an Acupuncturist, and I own a metaphysical healing center and practice Energy Therapy applying various East/West techniques. We decided to take a sabbatical and leave NY to explore the healing traditions of other cultures, satisfy the craving of our hearts. We hope you enjoy our journey.
Our contract with New York expires… a brief history of everything.
About anjelika…
I was raised in NY, arrived from central Asia at age 12 via Israel and Austria. A very challenging expedition according to my family since I have little recollection of childhood.
Why the immigration? To provide a better life for us, there is great focus in our tradition on children, you have succeeded as a parent only if you create an environment where they can prosper and procreate. Tajikistan, a country that has the landscaping as fascinating as the Himalayas, could not provide the security nor the opportunities my family needed.
The attractiveness of America to foreigners is great. Bigger opportunities, more successes – and the move was influenced by providing a better life for us.
My brother Alex and I have certainly not yielded the ambitions that my parents projected onto us. We took a detour from traditional values and discovered we had a different philosophy, different goals and definitely very unique as individuals. In some way I feel like we failed them. We did not operate at a survival mode mentality nor did we feel a strong desire to pursue an ambitious, goal oriented life. We are not your typical Bukharian-Americans, I am not sure if I can make that statement affirmative for my brother.
Unfortunately for my parents, they are still disappointed that we failed to live out their dreams. Different time, different interests and the soul seeks a different kind of development. At least this soul- not till much later, the process to a more awake Anjelika began at age 27. Let’s regress to evaluate the pursuit of happiness according to the old Anjelika.
I never enjoyed school much, not the structure or the curriculum. Found most of my educators not inspiring, most of them were not even qualified. They just did not capture my attention. But being a responsible child, I trained myself, disciplined myself, and hence embarked onto a journey of becoming acquainted with many of my adopted behaviors or masks.
This is the mask of devotion. I learned about devotion to school and mastered that well, graduated with magna cum laude (an honor added to a diploma for work considered greatly above average).
The other right thing to do was to marry, did that at age 20- wasn’t successful at managing that role, here is where somewhat of my rebellious behavior was emerging, shocking to me as well. To clarify, my impression of rebellious behavior, is acting out in a very correct way, a managed form of reaction. Thanks to the role of a Mr. S in my life, I was forced to re-evaluate the decisions and choices I expose myself to daily. I realized I could not live according to a mass plan. So the marriage failed, and I transferred all my energy towards my career, something I was convinced I was not going to fail at. I pursued it with great enthusiasm, a career I had not chosen, I recall so desperately craving to study psychology, this was not a path my parents approved of, and I did not want to disappoint them, like a good, responsible child. So there, I engaged the life of a financial person, with an accounting degree and all the securities licenses under my belt, I was convinced this is the path to success. The job was somewhat fulfilling at first, very rewarding financially then sadly enough transitions into a complete disaster.
Why the feeling of emptiness? The sense that I’m just not happy, what is my purpose?, a question just peeking its head now, not completely emerged but about to. Well, what’s this about?, five years into my financial career, a solid 5 year success plan, vice president of CIBC Oppenheimer, I’m an owner of a beautiful luxury condominium, everything my parents imagined for me. All this abundance was happening for me and yet I kept wondering why am I unfulfilled?
Why am I not fulfilled?
My mom was quite sad to hear that I’m not satisfied and that I am considering moving to St. Martin (French Carribean Island) and start a business, thinking I can live in paradise –that will certainly bring home the happiness. Not reflecting within yet, not understanding that my suffering is a direct byproduct of my mind. Mom assumed I was depressed and sought out help, and help did come through my first encounter with a spiritual teacher, Mrs. P.
Prior to meeting Mrs. P, I watched a movie that changed my life- Patch Adams with Robin Williams. A remarkable, heartfelt movie which forced me re-evaluate my entire life, I watch this film sobbing and the realization spontaneously happens. I’ve been living someone else’s life. Not mine. I did not choose this life. Oh my God! I am unhappy because I’m not fulfilling my interests, my desires, my passions.
The first thing I do is sign up to volunteer at a hospital, children’s oncology unit. Those children transformed me, this service changed me- these kids thought they needed me for saving, but in essence they saved me. They surely did. I was a changed woman.
The next stop on this ride of evolution was Mrs. P, my spiritual teacher. I met her because mom seeked her out, apparently she was a specialist at renewing people. She did just that, restored my spirit, and started a revolution- I am still in wonderment. How fortunate for me, I am in the presence of a woman saying all the right things. Nourishing me with such inspiration to mainly pursue the passions of my heart. I was so lost in the “program” that identifying the passions was impossible. So I make radical changes, I am no longer tolerating my job, I quit that without a backup plan. I worked at the financial center linked to the world trade center. I resigned in May and the violent terrorist attack happened in September. I would have definitely been affected.
That’s right, no back-up plan, no safety zone, none. Just completely stepping into the wilderness. I had faith. And a trusted coach by my side, her faith in the universe was quite contagious.
I sell my apartment, realize I don’t want to own anything, this may have been too drastic but when you plunge you just make decisions that make absolutely no sense. I want to go on a soul search, take some time to figure things out. Nine months of searching, and the baby is born. Birth to a new, pure direction, the birth of innocence, at least for the next five years.
My studies with my teacher are very intense, I develop a very intimate relationship with her, she refers to me as her most devoted student. Devotion is a virtue that seems to be natural to me, maybe I was a sadhu in my past life. Mrs. P guided me to discover my inner light, she was my muse in every possible way, she was an awake being, enlightened and very flaud in my ways. They can co-exist. To me she was the modern Madamme Blavatsky.
Her direction was invaluable, it provided a foundation for a life worth living with joy. What was born as a result of creation of both hearts was AURORA, a center for healing and spiritual development.
What a beauty she was, AURORA introduced the light into my life and many people’s lives. The next five years I am wholeheartedly developing this center, fulfilled in many ways but one. My relationship with my teacher was growing to be a bit too possessive, and manipulative, definitely not freeing. My time was entirely consumed by her projects and her affairs, I knew the time is coming to break free from the grasp of a powerful magus, and to my surprise soon to discover how powerful.
And who’s the culprit that assists in this divorce? - my new husband Sasha.
Sasha solicits the guidance of my teacher and they begin to develop a disciple-master relationship- a rather devotional one, at least in the beginning. She falls in love with him, she’s already mad for me, together we are a great team. She matches us up and convinced me that our souls have been traveling together many past lives and that this union makes absolute sense to her. Mrs.P earned my trust entirely, I blindly accepted a proposal -I had no idea who he was or if our interests are compatible. We were set up, entirely in the traditional sense of the word. She’s a minister so it’s destined for her to perform our ceremony. This in a nutshell brought my family great distress, it was bad enough that I left a job they revered, I abandoned a life they were proud of, and now blindly getting married to a man outside the community?
In honesty, I wasn’t thinking – maybe even naive. When I first met Sasha, I thought of him as an arrogant, unattractive, full of himself man with no class. But I knew one thing for sure, we were going to be matched, I knew when I first glanced at him. I had a vision that we were a couple. I was also mesmerized by the brilliance of my teacher, I was in love with her, and I was hooked on her energy and could not make a decision for myself. Sasha spent long hours convincing me that Mrs. P’s group operates as a cult, that it contains all the symptoms of a cult, how bizarre! I was not seeing it, maybe too grateful for being given the gift of life.
I am now a married woman, to a man that begins to question all of Mrs. P’s principals. He challenges her and she challenges our relationship, I’m in utter confusion- now is the time to cultivate my own voice, I end up defending a man I don’t know and betraying my most beloved teacher as a result. Choosing Sasha over Mrs. P was the best decision I could have made.
Mrs. P and I get divorced, she sends the dogs to attack, her disciples gang on me threatening to destroy AURORA and our marriage and everything else we touch will absolutely explode in our faces. What a battle we endured, surviving it was certainly due to the grace of God. AURORA continued to thrive and blossomed to unbelievable imagination. Our marriage had to take a break, 6 months later we discovered there is sacredness to our relationship, one that was worth exploring.
Two years later comes another important phase in our life, all three of our leases expire, Sasha’s clinic, AURORA, and our home. I am attacked violently by a stalker, and another disaster opens the door to a new journey. We are exploring the possibility of taking a break from our lives and wandering the globe a bit. One very frightening encounter with death throws us into making a decision very quick, we are no longer contemplating wandering, we are seriously considering leaving New York. Now is a good time to take a sabbatical. I am thankful to AJ, who was the stalker who attacked me at gunpoint for helping me realize that the possibility of dying without exploring the world is a life not worth living.
New York begins to feel extremely overwhelming, we sell all our possessions, store some of it and give it all up to the will of the heart. Take our car and embark on a most memorable journey, a lifestyle sabbatical.
A sabbatical that becomes a way of life.
A blessing indeed!
Welcome to our journey.
The notes that follow try to capture our adventure across the United States and parts of the globe.
Two years fast forward: 2008
Sasha and I have explored most of the United States; disappointed and enchanted at the same time. When we ventured out to explore the States we were hoping to be drafted by a town that really spoke to us, somewhere we can create a home. No takers on the mainland but Hawaii captivated us.
We set off to Bali, Thailand, China, Tibet, Nepal, India, Peru, Chile, Argentina, Ecuador, and Brasil.
With a lonely planet guide for each destination at our side, a very handy thing to have when you’re traveling, our adventure was nothing short of being fantastic. A dream come true, a life transforming experience. If I am to die tomorrow, I am so enriched, I would have no regrets.
Two years into our journey, Sasha and I find ourselves parting to explore the depths of our interests. Sasha goes to India to volunteer in a free acupuncture clinic for Ananda Nagar. He is traveling to different villages in West Bengal with a Monk setting up medical camps on a motor bike. How wonderful! He is an amazing guy!
I go to Abadiania (Brasil) to explore my mediumship abilities with the most profound healer on the globe today- Medium John of God or Joao De Deus. Six months into my experience stirred up more questions than you can imagine. I came to Abadiania with the desire and intention to develop a sleeping skill, to heal, to learn, and to be of service. What began to surface is the questioning of the integrity of my life or the life I return to. I thought I investigated all behavior that seemed unauthentic to my true nature, I did a lot of work around that. Being authentic and real is very important to me.
The world begins to seem like a dream. Nothing makes sense once again. I have experienced such a feeling in the past but I pushed it away because it felt like I would drop into deep darkness, I would drop the role of a wife, the role of a friend, the daughter, a sister. It was very frightening, I recall that I kept wishing to snap out of it. If I continued to step into the emptiness, who would I become?
The universe is giving me another chance to explore this emptiness.
Well it visits again, this time it’s much more heightened. I feel very detached and disengaged from my surroundings. The Buddhists call this deconstruction of the self, the false self. I crave to be in isolation to contemplate this further. All perceived, comfortable and secure identities desiring to drop off. The only one certain thing which remains is my longing to live in deep connection with SPIRIT, at what ever cost, and if at this stage of my evolution it means to give everything up at home to live in truth with spirit then I am prepared.
According to the brilliant Eckhart Tolle, “Every truth you realize will create a revolution inside.” You are absolutely right.
Friday, march 28th. I arrive to New York and one of two things is bound to occur, either complete assimilation or back to the land where the spirit calls me to.
I wait for your voice, and please speak loudly as I may be clouded by the play.
